even when im not laying facedown on the floor literally, i am always laying facedown on the floor figuratively. in my heart or whatever.
It’s hard to talk and be friends and know I’m not yours anymore but the thing is I do want to talk I want it more than anything else in the world so I’ll try being friends but honestly either way to me it’s going to hurt for this whole year till j guess after univeristy and it may sound like exaggeration but seeing you and being reminded of every kiss and hug and I love you and everything will just make me want to break down and cry . I don’t want to get back together it’s hopeless in trying to even suggest that because at the end of the day you have to look out for yourself I guess and you’ve obviously not changed your mind despite my attempts and how much I want you to. This is actually the end. , no matter how many times I’ll drunk kiss you and say I want to be together or I’ll just endlessly hope and sometimes tell you when I’m alone at night . Being together I guess wasn’t for us and I’ll try being friends but tbh it’s useless and you can say you’ll be fine with seeing me but let’s be real you’ll want to talk and I’ll want to talk but it will be near impossible. Even if we slowly regained our friendship we would eventually well I would eventually fall back into love with you and it will hurt so much the second time around because I know I can’t be with you and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it I’ll just have to sit back and watch youu do whatever even though it will kill me inside . This next year will be so hard and it’s weird . We dated almost 4 months and it is honestly the most intensely ive felt about someone , I don’t know if it’s just because I’m older or if it’s because it’s been a whirlwind but I’ve never felt so many emotions at one time in such a little space. Whether we continued dating for a year I know the feelings would be more intense and I understand that’s why you’d want to break up but honestly my feelings are going to grow with friendship or not they are because I’ll be stuck just thinking about the past craving to be with you again to hold to kiss to joke around with . It’s going to be tough and I don’t know if I’m ready to grow up and just face that life doesn’t go the way you want to and that things can end abruptly and you are thrown in disarray . I love you and i will for a while but yeah this is what I needed to say.